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After the actors Terry Serpico and Kadia Saraf filmed their first “Law & Order: SVU” scene, Mr. Serpico resorted to note-passing — and contacting Ms. Saraf’s manager — to continue their conversation.
To express his interest in Kadia Saraf after meeting her on the set of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” Terry Serpico resorted to a grade school tactic: passing Ms. Saraf a note.
“I’m shy, and I really don’t have any kind of game,” said Mr. Serpico, 58, an actor who plays Tommy McGrath, the chief of detectives, on the show.
He and Ms. Saraf, who is 45 and also an actor, met last July, on her first day of filming after being cast as U.S. attorney Anya Avital. Though they only filmed one scene together — a fake press briefing — Mr. Serpico described their interaction as memorable, and not only because he stepped on Ms. Saraf’s foot while delivering a monologue. (She forgave him.)
In between takes, they chatted about topics including family, where each is from, past lives and astrology; Ms. Saraf practices kabbalistic astrology, a style based on the Hebrew calendar. “She was focused and well-spoken and attractive and exceptionally smart,” Mr. Serpico said. “I was drawn to her.”
“I wanted to give her my number is what it came down to,” Mr. Serpico added, so he later sought out a production assistant. “I said, ‘Look, I don’t know how kosher this is, but can you get a note to this actress?’” The assistant eventually delivered a message on his behalf, but not before Ms. Saraf had learned about Mr. Serpico’s interest from her manager, whom he had also contacted to be put in touch with her.
From their initial conversation on set, Ms. Saraf said that she felt “a genuine connection with Terry.” But for her, seeing where that connection might lead was at first not a priority. “I wasn’t there to make friends,” she said. Plus, she added: “There were no sparks or fireworks.”
That she didn’t instantly fall head over heels actually worked in Mr. Serpico’s favor. Ms. Saraf said she would not have agreed to a date with him a few weeks later if she had felt too strong an attraction when they met. “I was told your soul mate is usually not the person you’re attracted to right away,” she said.
The mother of three children — her sons Rain and Shia are 15 and 11; her daughter, Noa, is 13 — Ms. Saraf’s previous marriage of six years ended in divorce in 2013. But her soul-mate-only approach to dating came more recently. In August 2020, she started studying kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism, at the Kabbalah Centre in Manhattan, a subway ride away from her home in Forest Hills, Queens. “That was the catalyst,” Ms. Saraf said.
She worked with a teacher from the center to better understand her past relationships, warts and all. Afterward, “I decided that, unless it was a relationship where there’s a higher purpose and benefits to the world, I didn’t want to engage in it,” said Ms. Saraf, who grew up in Israel and Switzerland before moving to this country in 2004.
By the time she met Mr. Serpico, who spent his formative years in Malvern, Pa., he had soured on casual romance, too. Also a parent — his son, Calvin, is 25 and his daughter, Stella, is 18 — his previous 17-year marriage ended in divorce in 2014. Sporadic attempts at dating that followed were without success. “Basically, I was wanting to move to a cabin in the woods with my dogs,” Mr. Serpico said. “Kadia changed all that for me.”
Their first date, in late August 2021, took place about a month after they became acquainted on the “SVU” set. Mr. Serpico, then living in Beacon, N.Y., was in Manhattan taping the show and took a subway from the hotel he stays at while filming to meet Ms. Saraf at the Latin restaurant Matiz, in Forest Hills. There, the pair’s discussion about their children, pasts and careers left him even more captivated.
“I was fascinated and inspired by her,” Mr. Serpico said. “I remember telling my son later, ‘This woman is out of my league.’”
It wasn’t the first time that he had wrestled with feelings of inadequacy. Early in his career, Mr. Serpico was led to believe that acting professionally might be out of his league, too. In 1984, he was cut from Boston University’s acting program. “They said I wasn’t emotionally available, which is funny because I’m kind of an emotional actor,” he said.
He ended up completing a bachelor’s degree in acting at the State University of New York at Purchase, in 1989. Then came 22 years as a part-time actor, part-time bartender at the Rodeo Bar in Manhattan. Tommy McGrath is the fifth character Mr. Serpico has played on “Law & Order” since his first appearance on the show in 2000. Other television shows he has appeared on include “The Flight Attendant” and “Yellowstone.”
Ms. Saraf also had hurdles to clear before her career as an actor gained momentum. After graduating from the Open University of Israel with a bachelor’s degree in social sciences in 2003, she came to this country with plans to study acting at the University of California, Los Angeles. In 2005, the year after she arrived, she got a spot as an extra on the television series “Rescue Me.” (Coincidentally, Mr. Serpico also appeared on the show, but their paths never crossed.)
But before Ms. Saraf could enroll in acting school, “I met my first husband, we had kids and yadda, yadda,” she said. Though parenthood put her plans on hold, the unraveling of her previous marriage reignited her desire to act professionally. “It was as if I woke up from a long sleep and had the clear revelation that I must give it all I’ve got,” said Ms. Saraf, who in 2013 completed a yearlong program at the Lee Strasberg Theater and Film Institute in New York. She has since appeared on television shows including “The Blacklist” and “The Good Fight.”
As they continued to date, Ms. Saraf and Mr. Serpico soon found themselves reprising a role that both had played before: significant other. By the time of their first kiss on a walk through the Forest Hills Gardens neighborhood in early October, they had already begun to ask each other what Ms. Saraf described as “very deliberate” relationship questions.
“It was not, ‘What’s your favorite color?’” she said. “It was, ‘How do you get along with your mother?’ ‘When you’re not feeling well, what do you want me to say to you?’”
The goal was total honesty. “We had both been married, and we had both ignored too many red flags to count,” she added. “We were OK if it didn’t work out.” By mid-October, they had arrived at an understanding. “Without even really saying it, we decided, all right, we’ve passed each other’s tests,” Mr. Serpico said.
Ms. Saraf then had a realization that brought her to tears. Though she had never expected to marry again, she told Mr. Serpico that she could see herself becoming his wife. In reply, he admitted to having a similar epiphany. “He said, ‘One day I will ask you to marry me,’” she recalled. “And I said, ‘And one day I will say yes.’”
That day, in early November, came a bit sooner than planned, and at a time that medical professionals might have called unadvisable.
It began with Mr. Serpico checking into the Jersey City Medical Center for a vasectomy, a decision the couple had come to together after agreeing that their child-rearing days were behind them. “We had talked about birth control,” he said. “I thought it was the right thing to do.” Before they left the hospital, a nurse told them not to make any big decisions until the effects of anesthesia wore off. “She said, ‘Don’t buy a house!’” Ms. Saraf recalled. “We laughed. I was like, What does she think we’re going to do? It’s a Friday night.”
Mr. Serpico had planned to propose four days later, on Ms. Saraf’s birthday, with a ring he had ordered online from the jewelry company Mejuri. But that night, while she helped him ice his tender wounds at her apartment, he recalled thinking, “This is it.”
Though the ring hadn’t yet arrived, he shifted his ice pack and looked into her eyes, asking, “Kadia Saraf, will you be my wife?” Ms. Saraf, surprised but elated, said yes. The following March, he moved into her Forest Hills home.
On June 8, the couple were married at the Yard, an outdoor events space in Beacon, before 53 guests, including their children and “SVU” castmate Mariska Hargitay. Kate Yeshurun and Yosef Grundman, both teachers at the Kabbalah Centre, led the ceremony, which incorporated Jewish traditions. Ms. Yeshurun, a Universal Life minister, solemnized the marriage.
Wearing a white lace wedding gown and veil, Ms. Saraf was escorted by her son Rain down a grassy aisle to a huppah, where Mr. Serpico, dressed in a blue suit, awaited her. Both read handwritten vows.
In hers, the bride promised to love, celebrate and challenge the groom. She also promised him joy and many reasons to laugh. Mr. Serpico pledged to value what Ms. Saraf says and to pay attention to how she says it. “I will understand what you mean, and if I don’t,” he said, “I will ask.”
After being pronounced married, Mr. Serpico stomped on a glass to commemorate the start of their union. Before he did, Mr. Grundman, their co-celebrant, said to the crowd, “One plus one doesn’t equal two, it equals infinity.”
Reflecting on their courtship, the bride described the sentiment as apt.
“That’s how it felt, like our lives became filled with infinite possibilities,” she said. “There was a sense of relief that, after a lifetime of searching, we had finally found each other.”
On This Day
When June 8, 2022
Where The Yard in Beacon, N.Y.
Made With Love Following the ceremony, the newlyweds held a picnic-style reception at the Yard, which was catered by Ziatun, a Middle Eastern restaurant in Beacon. To accommodate the couple’s vegan diet, its owner, Kamel Jamal, made a vegan version of the Palestinian dish maqluba, which typically contains stewed meat. Preparing the meal also required him to buy new pots and pans, but Mr. Jamal didn’t bristle at the extra work. “It’s the most beautiful thing in life when we stop what we’re doing and let people see the world unite in love,” he said.
Perfect Choice The engagement ring that hadn’t yet arrived on the day of Mr. Serpico’s proposal and vasectomy was delivered in time for Ms. Saraf’s birthday four days later. Mr. Serpico had it engraved to read “I choose you,” he said, because “that’s what we say to each other every morning.”
